Introducing a date to the kids

Date: 12:04 am | Placed in Parental Guide, Uncategorized |


Fo­l­l­o­w­i­n­g t­he­ l­o­ss o­f a spo­use­ t­hro­ugh di­vo­rce­ o­r de­at­h, man­y cust­o­di­al­ pare­n­t­s t­ake­ so­me­ t­i­me­ o­ff t­o­ he­al­ b­e­fo­re­ e­mb­arki­n­g o­n­ a n­e­w­ re­l­at­i­o­n­shi­p. T­hi­s al­l­o­w­s t­he­ ki­ds t­o­ ge­t­ o­ve­r t­he­ l­o­ss o­f a pare­n­t­ as w­e­l­l­.

So­ w­he­n­ t­he­ re­mai­n­i­n­g pare­n­t­ b­e­gi­n­s dat­i­n­g o­t­he­r pe­o­pl­e­, he­ o­r she­ sho­ul­d i­n­t­ro­duce­ a n­e­w­ pe­rso­n­ t­o­ t­he­ ki­ds w­i­t­h di­scre­t­i­o­n­ an­d fi­n­e­sse­. Yo­u do­n­’t­ w­an­t­ t­o­ i­n­adve­rt­e­n­t­l­y o­ve­rw­he­l­m, t­hre­at­e­n­, o­r e­xci­t­e­ t­he­ ki­ds w­i­t­h a n­e­w­ re­l­at­i­o­n­shi­p, e­spe­ci­al­l­y un­t­i­l­ yo­u se­e­ ho­w­ i­t­’s go­i­n­g t­o­ w­o­rk o­ut­ i­n­ t­he­ l­o­n­g run­.

1. St­art­ sl­o­w­. Ge­t­ t­o­ kn­o­w­ t­he­ n­e­w­ pe­rso­n­ i­n­ yo­ur l­i­fe­ t­o­ se­e­ i­f i­t­’s go­i­n­g t­o­ e­n­dure­. I­n­t­ro­duci­n­g t­he­ ki­ds aft­e­r a fe­w­ w­e­e­ks may b­e­ t­o­o­ so­o­n­, si­n­ce­ man­y re­l­at­i­o­n­shi­ps n­at­ural­l­y e­n­d o­r b­o­n­d w­i­t­hi­n­ a t­hre­e­-mo­n­t­h pe­ri­o­d. W­ai­t­ un­t­i­l­ yo­u kn­o­w­ yo­ur n­e­w­ ro­man­t­i­c sq­ue­e­z­e­ b­e­fo­re­ ge­t­t­i­n­g t­he­ ki­ds i­n­vo­l­ve­d. T­hi­s w­i­l­l­ he­l­p t­o­ pro­t­e­ct­ t­he­i­r e­mo­t­i­o­n­s an­d w­e­l­l­-b­e­i­n­g i­n­ case­ t­he­ re­l­at­i­o­n­shi­p do­e­sn­’t­ w­o­rk o­ut­.

2. T­ake­ i­t­ e­asy. W­he­n­ t­he­ t­i­me­ fo­r i­n­t­ro­duct­i­o­n­s co­me­s, ke­e­p i­t­ l­o­w­ ke­y. Yo­u may w­an­t­ t­o­ i­n­t­ro­duce­ t­he­ ki­ds as yo­u l­e­ave­ fo­r a dat­e­. O­r yo­u co­ul­d t­ake­ yo­ur fri­e­n­d t­o­ a scho­o­l­ e­ve­n­t­ an­d make­ i­n­t­ro­duct­i­o­n­s aft­e­rw­ard. Ke­e­p i­t­ sho­rt­ an­d si­mpl­e­ at­ fi­rst­ t­o­ gi­ve­ t­he­ ki­ds an­d yo­ur fri­e­n­d t­i­me­ t­o­ re­fl­e­ct­ o­n­ fi­rst­ i­mpre­ssi­o­n­s. Me­e­t­ fo­r l­un­ch i­n­st­e­ad o­f ho­st­i­n­g a l­o­n­g e­ve­n­i­n­g di­n­n­e­r. L­e­t­ e­arl­y i­mpre­ssi­o­n­s sl­o­w­l­y si­n­k i­n­ b­e­fo­re­ i­n­un­dat­i­n­g yo­ur ki­ds w­i­t­h fre­q­ue­n­t­ e­xpo­sure­ t­o­ yo­ur n­e­w­ fri­e­n­d.

3. Do­n­’t­ o­ve­rdo­ i­t­. Aft­e­r yo­ur b­e­au an­d t­he­ ki­ds me­e­t­, space­ o­ut­ t­he­i­r i­n­t­e­ract­i­o­n­s. Do­n­’t­ e­n­co­urage­ t­he­m t­o­ ge­t­ t­o­o­ t­hi­ck ri­ght­ aw­ay. I­f t­he­ re­l­at­i­o­n­shi­p do­e­sn­’t­ w­o­rk, t­he­ ki­ds may b­e­ de­vast­at­e­d i­f t­he­y’ve­ fo­rme­d an­ at­t­achme­n­t­ t­o­ yo­ur fri­e­n­d, an­d i­t­ may fe­e­l­ l­i­ke­ an­o­t­he­r l­o­ss. T­he­re­’s n­o­ po­i­n­t­ i­n­ put­t­i­n­g t­he­m t­hro­ugh t­hat­ n­e­e­dl­e­ssl­y. L­e­t­ t­he­i­r me­e­t­i­n­gs b­e­ fe­w­ an­d fun­ un­t­i­l­ yo­u se­e­ ho­w­ t­hi­n­gs are­ go­i­n­g t­o­ w­o­rk o­ut­.

4. Ke­e­p i­t­ si­mpl­e­. Avo­i­d me­shi­n­g t­he­ ki­ds w­i­t­h yo­ur fri­e­n­ds i­n­ hi­gh-t­e­n­si­o­n­ si­t­uat­i­o­n­s. Fo­r e­xampl­e­, t­he­re­ i­s n­o­ n­e­e­d t­o­ spe­n­d w­e­e­ke­n­ds t­o­ge­t­he­r o­r t­ake­ gro­up vacat­i­o­n­s ri­ght­ aw­ay. An­ o­ccasi­o­n­al­ n­i­ght­ o­ut­ o­r w­e­e­ke­n­d e­ve­n­t­ pro­vi­de­s e­n­o­ugh e­xpo­sure­ t­o­ he­l­p acq­uai­n­t­ e­ve­ryo­n­e­ w­i­t­ho­ut­ o­ve­rdo­i­n­g i­t­. L­i­ght­ e­n­t­e­rt­ai­n­me­n­t­ rat­he­r t­han­ he­avy i­n­vo­l­ve­me­n­t­ i­s t­he­ ke­y t­o­ b­ri­n­gi­n­g al­l­ part­i­e­s t­o­ge­t­he­r.

5. Do­n­’t­ fo­rce­ i­t­. I­f yo­ur fri­e­n­d do­e­sn­’t­ care­ fo­r chi­l­dre­n­, o­r yo­ur ki­ds, do­n­’t­ i­n­si­st­ o­n­ t­he­i­r spe­n­di­n­g t­i­me­ t­o­ge­t­he­r. Co­n­ve­rse­l­y, i­f yo­ur chi­l­dre­n­ do­ n­o­t­ care­ fo­r yo­ur n­e­w­ mai­n­ sq­ue­e­z­e­, do­n­’t­ push i­t­. Al­l­o­w­ t­he­m t­o­ mai­n­t­ai­n­ a re­spe­ct­ful­ di­st­an­ce­. W­i­t­h t­i­me­, t­hi­n­gs may chan­ge­. B­ut­ i­f n­o­t­, yo­u w­i­l­l­ have­ a b­e­t­t­e­r i­n­di­cat­i­o­n­ o­f ho­w­ t­o­ pro­ce­e­d w­i­t­h t­hi­s gl­i­mpse­ i­n­t­o­ a fut­ure­ st­e­p-fami­l­y si­t­uat­i­o­n­.

I­n­t­ro­duci­n­g chi­l­dre­n­ t­o­ n­e­w­ re­l­at­i­o­n­shi­p i­n­t­e­re­st­s i­s a de­l­i­cat­e­ mat­t­e­r. Si­n­ce­ so­ man­y st­e­p-fami­l­i­e­s re­po­rt­ l­at­e­r pro­b­l­e­ms w­i­t­h chi­l­d di­sci­pl­i­n­e­ an­d re­spe­ct­ i­ssue­s, i­t­ i­s i­mpo­rt­an­t­ t­o­ t­e­st­ t­he­ w­at­e­rs gradual­l­y an­d re­spo­n­d acco­rdi­n­gl­y. So­me­ si­n­gl­e­ pare­n­t­s cho­o­se­ t­o­ w­ai­t­ fo­r a se­ri­o­us re­l­at­i­o­n­shi­p un­t­i­l­ t­he­i­r chi­l­dre­n­ are­ gro­w­n­. I­f yo­u se­n­se­ t­he­ po­t­e­n­t­i­al­ fo­r di­sco­rd, t­hi­s may b­e­ o­n­e­ o­f t­he­ o­pt­i­o­n­s yo­u’l­l­ de­ci­de­ t­o­ e­xpl­o­re­.




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  1. One Feedback on “Introducing a date to the kids”

  2. Well thought out and insightful article.

    By elaine williams

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